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I have a daughter who has turned out great. Now the most fantastic mother of 2 teenage girls. SAHM, closely involved in the school. She was stroppy as a child, short tempered and intense and wilfull . Yet she is the most amazing mother. Just so wise and patient and involved with her children. I look at her and think to myself "gee I must have done something right !" Her teenage years were not too bad. But she had a boyfriend at 14 who was a no hoper, which was very stressful. So glad to see the back of him.
I think she chose to be SAHM because I had been a career woman in a high powered job. I think she felt the lack of a Mum at home after school. Her daughters still want her at home.
I got pregnant at 18. Solo Mum, and in defacto relationships. My mother was extremely controlling, and I was not allowed any boyfriends.
My daughter wanted a stable marriage and waited til late 20's to have kids. I was a very relaxed and permissive mum.
My boy was different. Highly social as a child. Always gravitated to the wrong crowd. Always one of the leaders.
He got on marijuana at 15, refused to work at school despite having a good brain.
Wanted to party all the time.
We would not let him go out during the week and he shut himself in his room, in the dark (I discovered when I checked on him to see if he was studying), and said "nothing you do will make me study".
He ended up unemployed, or low paying temporary jobs, and constantly trying to cadge money off others.
You can only do your best, and just try to be firm but fair, and supportive, as you weather the storms. And try to keep the communication lines open.
How they turn out is is a mix of their personalities and the environment. You cant control their personalities, only the home environment.
But they can change in ways that surprise you.
I had one easy teenager, and one tricky one. I thought it was my excellent parenting that my daughter was so well behaved. We gave them a bit of freedom and slowly increased it as long as they did the right thing. My daughter was great, loved being allowed out even if I picked her up at 10.
I let my son go to parties and agreed to pick him up, until one night I had to find him at a party and he was drunk, stoned and having sex.
He will have good memories good on him
Not at all. Behavioural (don’t even start me on if it’s real or not) issues so no entirely different to what I ever thought and beyond challenging.
Mine have turned out great. I was strict when they were younger and we're learning how to be in the world. No running around cafes etc. Took them to the park to burn off steam. No trouble during teenage years. Had a few kids stay with us when they and their parents needed a break. Both have jobs, one has been out of home for 2 years. 20 year old still here.
My kids are 12, 14 and 18. Never had a problem with them. Sure they might get mad at me for something and storm off in a huff, but ten minutes later they’re cool again.
I’m happy so far (ages 14, 12, 11). They aren’t pushing the boundaries too much & seem to have a good grasp of right & wrong. Of course, that might all change as they age & change social circles. I hoping we have built a good enough foundation for them that when they do take risks, that they are life affirming & not life ending.