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Ex in-laws for Christmas

I’m going to grow some balls and ask my ex in-laws if they would like to meet up for Christmas to see the children. It’s been 3 years. My ex was abusive and I ran without much thought of them. His family are great people but I’ve been nervous on how to “open the door”.
I want to write ex MiL a message but don’t know what to say after all these years. I feel so guilty I haven’t contacted her earlier but figured now is a good enough time to do it. Any help appreciated.


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Answers (6)

I would do it before Christmas, someplace public and see how it goes

I think it's a lovely idea, assuming contacting them won't put you at risk. Just sent a text asking if they would like to catch up. Keep it simple, you can talk about the situation in person if you need to, but for the initial contact just a simple hi how are you, do you want to catch up is ok.

This is a great idea and its lovely you want to try to reconnect, just remember that they are adults who are responsible for their own relationship with their grandkids. You can definitely initiate the first contact but please don't spend too much of your time and energy for people who have not put any effort into your kids for 3 years.

OP Thank you I will try to keep that in mind
helpful (0) 
 I don’t disagree; but keep an open mind. If their son was abjsivr, they may feel guilty or responsible since it was their son. How do they then ask for contacg with their grandkids, will she tell us to f**k off? Maybe we’ll let her make the first move.
Then again they could be complete idiots or nasty people I don’t know; I’m just saying maybe they have a side of the story so don’t completely give up before giving them a go :)

helpful (1) 

Send a text message from the kids: Hi nanna, granny, grandma. I know it’s been a long time but since Christmas is coming up mum thought it would be a good idea if we can catch up and spend some time together. Let mummy know when you’re available and we can organise a time and day. Look forward to seeing you
Lots of love: (insert kids names)

 Ugh do not do that
helpful (6) 
 Definitely not 🤪
helpful (0) 
 Sorry I disagree with this.
The mum is making the move. Not sending messages and hiding behind the kids as the responsible ones that are reaching out.

helpful (0) 

Just giving an update.
Ex MIL invited us to a family catch up before I got a chance to send her a message. She must have been wanting to open that gate too.
Thank you all for your help.

Thank you for all the helpful replies.
I will try a simple message along the lines of “hi, Christmas is around the corner and I was wondering if you would like to see the kids.”
Should I expand on that and appoligise for not contacting sooner?

 NO apologies don't start out by giving them power and trying to guilt trip u when u r together u can talk honestly
helpful (4) 
 Don’t just make it about the kids tho, let them know you would like to see them too. I think it would be so nice if they knew you all wanted to see them.
helpful (1) 
 I wouldn’t even put about Christmas.
Just keep it short and simple and say it’s been a while, but would you like to get together so they can see the kids? Do what makes you comfortable. Your place or theirs, neutral ground , whatever you feel is right. Goodluck op!!

helpful (1)