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So my husband and I only have sex at most 3 times a month. He feels on me all the time and talks about sex 24-7 but wont let me touch him. He says he has a headache, his stomach hurts, or he has issues sustaining an erection when I ask for sex. He only sleeps with me when I dont want to have sex. But sometimes when hes sleeping he will get on top of me kiss and hump me like he wants to have sex during the middle of the night. My questions are why does he touch on me talk about sex and do nothing? And why does he hump me when he sleeps? And why does he only have sex with me when I dont want to?

I try to have sex with him he tells me no. Ive made it clear he makes me feel like an object and makes me feel disgusting when he feels on me. We are in our 20's. He does work 8 hour shifts and is outside alot during that time. He is in shape.


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Answers (9)

I would say he has a prob addiction also. And you said his phone history is clean, but if he is addicted there are ways for him to still look. My husband would do private searches, Facebook, Instagram or delete specific things he searched. We have worked through it and things are much better now, but we almost split up over it as we would rarely have sex or if he did, it would be over very quickly, or he would only want it after viewing porn. I hope you can work through this!

 Agreed, it’s very easy to keep your history clean. I don’t even bother checking my husbands.
helpful (1) 

This sounds similar to my marriage as others have stated it is devastating. I don’t really have a solution sorry. Also as above I know my hubby has a problem with porn addiction so I’m fairly certain that has something to do with it. Anyway just wanted to let you know your not alone!

Does he watch a lot of porn? Maybe takes away from his actual need to have sex

 This is terrible but may be true. I went through this when I was married and it was soul destroying. Because it becomes not about you anymorevbut about the porn. I hope this is not the case in op situation.
helpful (2) 
 He claims he doesnt. But Ive seen sights on his phone a few times in the past. But his browser history is pretty much clean.
helpful (0) 

Maybe reluctance is his kink and he gets turned on trying to make you want it instead of having on a plate?
It's a thing 🤷‍♀️
You could test that theory by playing coy and pretending not to be that in to it when he touches you up.

3 times a month isn’t terrible. Maybe a little bit of sex and a lot of fantasy is enough for him. I feel it’s more about quality than quantity, so when you do it, do you enjoy it?

 But he only wants it when she doesn't feel like it. I'm under the impression she gets pressured into it because he wants it but when she wants it he flat out rejects her.
Maybe he needs testosterone levels checked by his GP?
Sex is a crucial element in a relationship and if you're not on the same page it can really destroy you! Is hubby open to talking about it?

helpful (2) 
 We aren't on the same page and normally I don't enjoy it. But if I say no he will with hold it all together.
helpful (1) 
 My grandpa and grandma survived 50 years with out sex
helpful (0) 
 Well that obviously worked for them! A woman I worked with said I'd rather be great friends with my partner than only have a great sex life. But a marriage combines both equally! Why must it be one or the other? Why can't OP have an amazing enjoyable sex life as well with her husband? She has needs, desires and obviously wants intimacy as well
helpful (3) 

Maybe there is a physical reason and he is too embarrassed. Or maybe he is afraid of pregnancy.Sounds like there is still a desire there but he just doesnt want to do the actual act for some reason. There are many possibilities. We here can only speculate. Your husband is the one you need to speak to, and it sounds like you’ve tried.

 I try to talk to him asked him to go to counseling and the doctor. He won't
helpful (0) 

Why the hell would complete strangers who don’t even know your husband have any idea on this? We’re not psychics